I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
