what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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