If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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