remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and she was petting her beer can
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The adults are the big ones right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
