they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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