Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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