How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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