Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize