My liver just broke up with me...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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