Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
