did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
