Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
