if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
