the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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