I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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