my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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