then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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