i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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