There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
