Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
