I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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