a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize