I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
