So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
