A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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