that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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