And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
