I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
