So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Of course I have a pirate flag
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
