alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
