my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
