hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
