How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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