barbara walters just said penis...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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