You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
