My friends, they love my intelligence
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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