my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
