Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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