When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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