So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize