I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
