I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
