yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
