last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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