you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
