i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
