who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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