It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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