Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
