she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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