It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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