just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
