I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
