I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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