She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
