that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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